The Republican Fiction Project

Whooo, that was a close one, but we managed to win another victory in the war on Christmas. The godless secularists who are trying so hard to make sure your kids can’t celebrate Christmas are on the ropes. The White House is right on the front lines in the war, but instead of diverting the troops who are fighting in the global war on terror (How they consider the two to be different is beyond me). This year, Republicans are choosing the battleground, the nation’s National Parks. Check out the new Barney cam video where W uses the family dog to point out how we can use the national parks to push Christmas out to the people. At least that is what I think they were doing, I didn’t watch the whole thing.

Every GOPer should take the time to read this inspiring Christmas story written by our fellow tribesman, Ted Nugent. In it, he describes the truly Republican ritual of waiting in a tree for a majestic white-tail deer to come by and killing it. While it is hardly as manly as Mike Huckabee’s “run-in” with a bear, it comes pretty close. Unlike Ted and my other awesome Michigan friends, I live in the city where the local liberals have made it next to impossible to enjoy the ritual of hunting down a diabolical beast.

As my eyes drew down the page, my breathing became smooth and calm and I felt like I was out there in the Michigan woods huddled up in a tree with Ted, killing stuff and eating it.

From the story:

“He was a great stag and was coming my way. I pushed and pulled on my frozen muscles to draw my bow as does and young deer crunched the icy snow below me, luring the old monarch into range.

“In an instant, the razor-sharp broadhead had sliced clean through the old boy’s vitals and it was all over except for the jubilation.

“We keep Christ in Christmas regardless of trends or the PC denial curse. We celebrate the gift of life. We celebrate American freedom, and we celebrate the birthday of Jesus Christ.”

Ted’s most excellent adventure reminded me of another Christmas Story, the 1983 movie that runs at least once on every television channel during the Christmas season. For years I thought that movie was a liberal assault on gun ownership. But after reading Ted’s story I realized that the entire movie is really a celebration of Republican Values™. I am going to watch and review A Christmas Story in a few days and thanks to Ted Nugent (and Jesus), an awesome killing machine and Republican, I am going to enjoy it.

Now that we have settled in a bit, I thought it appropriate to introduce you to the Republican Fiction team, we have posted our bios on our Meet the Editors page.

The first thing you are going to notice is that we don’t use our real names. We are no novice group when it comes to navigating the complex systems of tubes or “web” that is the internet, so we are well aware of the sick predators that are out there waiting to break into our homes and have sex with us. While each of us has an ample supply of ammo, several of us had to leave our guns in storage. Why? you ask.

Well, I am glad you asked. It’s because the hippies running the city of Washington DC have trampled on our rights and banned gun ownership in the city. No, I am not kidding. The citizens of Washington DC have been left to defend themselves against murderers and rapists with rocks and sticks. Earth to hippies, the Constitution lives right in your town at the National Archives. Stop by and give it a read sometime. The Supreme Court is going to hear this nonsense out soon and give us the right to put a bullet in the head of anyone who steps foot in our castles. In the mean time, we will keep our pen names.

Any-who, we have posted our bios on our Meet the Editors page so you can feel more comfortable letting our words into your home on your personal branch of the information super highway. We will be posting our pictures tomorrow.