The Republican Fiction Project

Al Gore should return his Ignobel Prize. RFP staff have performed a meta analysis of beloved climatologist Punxsutawney Phil’s annual extended winter/early spring trends and proven that global warming is a total farce. After a couple decades of warming, the Earth’s temperature is clearly returning to normal.

Frequency of early spring data was calculated by dividing the incidence of early spring per decade. Each year on February 2nd, Phil (a groundhog) famously makes his way to the podium in the small town of Punxsutawney, PA (pronounced punk-sit-tonm-E) and whispers whether winter will last an additional 6 weeks.

Thank Bush
While a novice climatologist would have rushed to judgment over a few shorter winters, according to Phil (seen right with bloated man), there has been a clear increase in longer winters over the past seven years. While it is tempting to speculate, it would be imprecise to completely credit President Bush with reversing the trend. It could very well be the decrease in evil in the world as a result of the US war on terrorism combined with the fact that over the past century there have only been 13 years where there was a shortened winter.