The Republican Fiction Project

We have not even gotten our business cards in (I ordered the raised lettering) and we already have our first scoop. These images were sent fresh from the New Hampshire campaign trail by our Editor at Large, Mr. Cool Ice.

On route to a campaign stop, Republican Presidential nominee Mike Huckabee hit a bear with his car in what appears to be a deliberate attempt to simultaneously take out the menacing bear, display Republican Values^TM, and secure dinner. According to witnesses, Huckabee expertly navigated his Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme to clip the bear in the head and kill it without causing a single scratch to the car. “The car swerved real quick and caught that sucker and dropped him like a bad habit,” said New Hampshire resident Jeff Blankenship who witnessed the carnage.

Campaign workers were soon after seen dragging the bear to the car where Huckabee gutted the animal in minutes and tied it to the trunk. Huckabee, a long time proponent of bearicide pledged later in the day to “make animal control a major campaign issue,” continuing “Americans are tired of hearing about trouble in the Iraq, such as, and the South Africa such as, if we get rid of bears people won’t have to worry about one less thing. And I’m all for that.”

Later that evening Huckabee invited his campaign volunteers in Littleton, New Hampshire to a cook out on the village green with Chuck Norris, a major supporter of Huckabee and killing things.